Shifting from conflict to learning

I've started reading Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most. I'm a quarter of the way through andI already want to recommend this book to everyone I've ever met or will meet.

One concept that applies situations of conflict is shifting 'learning mode'. Bare in mind that both parties usually think they are the ones who are in the right. You put aside your perspective of right and wrong and dig deeper into the 'why' of someones actions. Instead of making judgments on someones character, you find out why they acted like they did and how the situation looks from their perspective.

Move from certainty to curiosity

Instead of asking yourself “How can they think that?!” ask yourself, “I wonder what information they have that I don't?”

Instead of asking “How can they be so irrational?” ask “How might they see the world in which their view makes sense?”

If you accept both perspectives, and remove the idea that only one can be the right and the other wrong, you accept the fact that two people can have different experiences and thoughts. You can move forward together instead of butting heads.

Next time I catch myself thinking “Who's wrong or right here?” I'm going to make more effort to listen and accept both perspectives of the story.